Heartfelt Words: 6 Things Adult Kids Want To Hear From Their Parents

Building Bridges: The Evolving Parent-Child Dynamic

As we journey through adulthood, our relationship with our parents naturally evolves – sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Maintaining a healthy connection in this new phase requires effort, with clear communication, respect, and empathy playing key roles for all involved.

Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, known for her book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace,” took to Instagram earlier this year with a post titled "Things Adult Children Want To Hear," highlighting simple yet impactful phrases parents can say to their grown children. We tapped into insights from Glover Tawwab and other therapists to uncover the words that resonate most with adult children and why they hold such significance.

The Healing Power of Words

"Adult children often yearn for validating phrases from their parents, such as acknowledging past pain or expressing understanding," noted Lara Morales Daitter, an associate marriage and family therapist at The Connective in Northern California. "These affirmations can hold significant healing power, especially when parents may have been preoccupied with their own challenges, leading to unmet emotional needs in childhood."

“Apologies from parents can be a game-changer for adult children seeking to break negative family cycles and improve their mental health.”

Jor-El Caraballo, co-founder of mental wellness practice Viva, emphasized the power of a simple "I'm sorry." He explained how these two words can be a game-changer for adult children who are seeking to break negative family cycles and improve their mental health. Offering an apology is a significant step toward healing and understanding.

Owning Past Actions

For some parents, acknowledging past mistakes is challenging, especially if their own upbringing didn't prioritize emotional transparency. Arielle Dualan, another associate therapist at The Connective, highlights the importance of parents owning their past actions to foster emotional repair and connection.

Recognizing Individual Journeys

Another powerful phrase, "I was in survival mode," acknowledges the challenges parents faced while raising their children. Glover Tawwab explains that this isn't an excuse for poor parenting but rather an acknowledgment of the difficulties and a step toward understanding the broader context of their actions.

Gayane Aramyan, a therapist from Los Angeles, echoes this sentiment, reminding us that our parents did the best they could with the tools they had. Engaging in honest conversations about their past struggles can help mend the parent-adult child bond.

Celebrating Achievements and Supporting Choices

For many adult children, hearing "I'm really proud of you" from their parents serves as a beacon of validation. Caraballo points out that this assurance can bolster confidence and alleviate anxieties about their place in life.

Similarly, acknowledging differences with "Your life path is different than mine, but I support you" can empower grown kids in their unique journeys, reassuring them of parental acceptance and validation.

From Listeners to Supporters

In transitioning from parenting children to parenting adults, parents must adapt their approach. Asking, "Do you want advice, or would you prefer for me to listen?" respects the autonomy of adult children and reinforces their ability to navigate challenges independently.

Finally, the reassurance of "I'm still here for you" offers a comforting reminder that parental support continues into adulthood. As Caraballo aptly puts it, while the parenting role evolves, the foundational connection endures, providing a soft place for adult children to land.